I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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