I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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