I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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