Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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