Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
