I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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