Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
