I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
