I just threw up on my dentist
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
