No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
