does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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