did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
