my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
