what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
