the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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