with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
