so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
