Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
do herpes really smell.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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