Just cropdusted the office
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
