Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
