Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
