i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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