I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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