you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
