I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Randomize
