Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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