I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
