She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
