Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
