I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
