Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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