just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
