Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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