I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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