I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
