Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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