i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
