I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
