I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
