Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
