May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
