If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
A+ Viking dick
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize