he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
