she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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