Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
