i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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