ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
