I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
