Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
