I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
