I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
